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Archive for the 'Humour (?)' Category

THIS JUST IN: Leafs trade away entire team for Miller

( Humour (?) and Canada and Toronto )

TORONTO — In a surprise, and potentially brilliant move, Toronto Maple Leafs’ General Manager Brian Burke announced today he was trading the entire Leafs squad for Buffalo Sabres’ goaltender Ryan Miller and two first-round draft choices. Although this would leave the Leafs with just one player to finish out the season, Burke felt it […]

Will Miller’s fire tax mean death for some city residents?

TORONTO — Yesterday, Toronto’s mayor David Miller unveiled a balanced budget for 2010 that may well condemn some city residents to death. Miller chose to balance the books not by reducing spending, but by another major increase in property taxes and the introduction of new service fees and penalties. Residents who call 9-1-1 […]

These are NOT extracted text messages sent by Adam Giambrone

TORONTO — The following text messages ARE NOT actual text messages sent between the hours of 8:00 p.m. and midnight from mayoral hopeful, and Toronto Transit Commission Chairman, Adam Giambrone to a younger woman with whom he admits to having an “inappropriate relationship:”
8:44 pm: Really need sum stimulation - C U soon!
8:57 pm: […]

Is it time to abolish Parliament?

TORONTO — Has the sun set on Canada’s Parliament? For years, Canadians have agreed the nation’s Senate was obsolete. Some want it overhauled, others want it abolished outright. That no one could agree on how to fix it has resulted in its languishing, unchanged, for decades. With the recent false furor […]

NEWSFLASH: Tiger Woods…

TORONTO — This just in! Almost a month and a half after the mysterious car crash that heralded the “demise” of the world’s greatest athlete, Tiger Woods is still richer than everyone I’ve ever met put together.
We now return you to your regular net surfing that is already in progress.
And, for those who must […]

Obama to Nobel: “Don’t help me… Please!”

TORONTO – Today’ surprising announcement that U.S. president Barack Obama is the 2009 winner of the Nobel Peace Prize must have the leader of the free world pulling his hair out.
Sure, it’s an amazing honor. And, it’s something to highlight on your resume if (a) you’ve won one and (b) if people believe you’ve earned […]

This just in…

( Humour (?) and USA and World )

TORONTO — Michael Jackson is still dead. Film at, well… continuously.

Just a thought… on H1N1 and pandemic preparedness

ISLAMABAD – On arrival in Islamabad I had to declare if I’d visited Africa or Europe in the past six days — just to make sure I was free of bird or swine flu, presumably. Naturally, I forgot that Egypt was in Africa… is it?
Now, if they’d asked me that question on arrival in Dubai […]

Welcome to Egypt, now turn your head and… cough

CAIRO — Egypt is gripped by swine flu. Well, as gripped as a country can be where there is not a single solitary case of the H1N1 virus. Yet.
On arrival at Cairo International Airport, which is slightly larger than the airport in Kelowna B.C., I was greeted after being disgorged like undercooked fish from the […]

Things spammers say

CAIRO — OK, so it’s been a long time since I posted. Many reasons. No excuses. But, to ease back into it, I thought I’d share some of my favorite stupid subject lines from the 1,263 unread spam emails in my junk folder.
Save 50% off Theater!
Wow. If I was in […]